I have two topics today.
The gym
I love going to the gym. For most people it is a mean to perfect one’s narcissism. To me, the gym is great comedy. It just so happens a beneficial byproduct is I can go home and pretend I’m in shape. At the gym you get to see all sorts of wild, crazy things. “Chaches” Pronounced: "chawch" are my favorite gym creature. I owe my understanding/mockery of chaches to my buddy David. I’ll defer to his definition of Chach; a Chach is that guy who wears graphic tees, half tucks his shirt into his jeans and wears those hideous Kanye West shades. (For those not totally keen on what graphic tees are, they are t-shirts that have weird hieroglyphic/dragon designs on ½ of the shirt that seem to disappear into the armpit.) I have also included a link to the Urban Dictionary definition of chach.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chach
When I'm not transfixed by the Justin Bieber (love his hair) video of “Baby, Baby”, there are three chaches working out together at the gym that provide me with some priceless entertainment. Yes… T H E Justin Bieber. I will not apologize for my interest/fascintion in this Disney created phenom. Whenever his video comes on UrbanActivision, the world around me stops. I can’t turn away - he is so talented. Imagine Major Arnold Toht when he opens the Ark of the Covenant.
Getting back to the comedy… The chaches all have guts and are wearing their eminem inspired a-frame (wife-beater) shirts proudly. At 5:30 in the morning they have the Growing Up Gotti/Jersey Shore hairstyles in full effect. Seriously? You dipped into your AXE hair pomade to workout in the wee hours of the morning? If you would spend more time doing sit-ups instead of looking in the mirror at your perfectly coifed girl-hair, you might not have that freakish looking thing reminiscent of Kuato in Total Recall protruding from your midsection. (Total Recall = Great Movie. AHH-Nold is numero uno! As an aside from this tangent, if you have not seen Pumping Iron, rent it. Today. Fabulous.)
5 tips for my friends out there with the XY chromosomes. Those of the fairer sex, feel free to pass these along.
1. Wear a belt. Pant/short wearing without a belt looks ridiculous. You are not 5! You don't have elastic in your waistband. I cannot begin to explain how many times I see this. It has gotton to the point where I feel like petitioning outside the WHO in Geneva to classify this trend as a pandemic.
2. Your shoes and belt should match. We have all played “Go Fish” before. Make it a game. Find your shoes, and fish for the same color belt. Simple.
3. White athletic socks do not go with Dress Pants. EVER!
4. Short-sleeved dress shirts are for Sipowitz. Do not buy them. These shirts are only for overweight NYPD detectives.
5. Hawaiian Shirts are a no-no. Unless you are at a Jimmy Buffett concert, or greeting passengers de-planing in Kahului, do not wear these shirts. Give them to your kids so they can use their poster paints.
And I thought Euros dressed funny.
Until next time… ...if there is a next time. I would like to exit with some inspirational words from Lil' Wayne.
"And I got blind money money you will never see
And only in the mirror is where you'll find a better me
I make money and my fingers make the letter B
I'm very sick, very sicker than you
And when I play sick, I'm Jordan with tha flu"
"One Way Trip" by Lil' Wayne from the Album "Rebirth"
Peace,
B-Weve
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Coming off last night’s trickery and resulting elation in East Lansing, I had reason to believe Sunday would fall short in comparison. After a ‘long’ phone conversation of 6:50 (most conversations end prior to or at the 5:00 mark, by Ben Wever legislation), however, I discovered reason to ‘dog pile’ on last night’s jubilation.
ReplyDeletePost title…hmmm. I haven’t really thought about Middle School since I flipped through yearbook’s filled with “H.A.G.S.” years back. Enter Britney’s Spears reference. And don’t get me wrong Ben, ‘I get it’, you blogged once and…’did it again’. Staying true to the Middle School nostalgia…‘check-minus’.
Quick non-sequitur: I her hayday, Brit was ‘dirty’ (the good kind, not the ‘current-WT’ kind). The break-up with JT was the worst call of her life. Talk about exponential stock rise for JT and inverse stock plummet for Brit-Brit…
I gave ‘Children of Bodom – Oops, I Did It Again’ a listen...I made it to 1:15 before clicking ‘pause’. Maybe it was because I was not running or working out (apparently not a narcissist, as referenced) but I’ll suggest that Children of the Corn 5 - Fields of Terror was better…and that flick was awful.
I feel so honored to be referenced on-line. My name hasn’t been visible via monitor since my childhood athletic prowess on the golf course (goggle search and see)…ah hmmm. I would be remiss if I didn’t segregate the definitions of ‘Chach’ and ‘Graphic’, as there seems to be blending in your post:
‘Chach’: Handsome man that’s super-tan with product-filled hair, is well dressed, and has really white, uniform teeth. Frequently observed to be ‘one-upping’ others and sharing stories about how ‘so-super-sweet’ he is. Think ‘Salesman’…
‘Graphic’: Short, often portly, super-tan young man with product-filled hair wearing a ‘T-Shirt’ bedazzled with intricate, anti-symmetrical, and often illegible ‘graphics’ that create the illusion that the garment in question is ‘fancy’. Same ‘observations’ as above + working out…a lot. Think ‘Jersey Shore’…
A key difference is that ‘Chaches’ are believable, where ‘Graphics’ are a joke. ‘Chaches’ are skilled charmers. ‘Graphics’ are blatantly compensating for poor intellect, wit, and general ‘likableness’. Not since ‘that guy driving the Porshe’ has someone been so easily identifiable…
In regards to your, ‘Seriously? You dipped into…’, mini-rant: duh. ‘Graphics’ are like the zit-faced XBox 360 kid who sends his primary WR on a streak every play…it’s the only play they’ve got and they run it every time.
I second every one of your wardrobe comments (truly, ‘mandates’). Who knew you were such a clothing elitist, given your white button-up Polo that is older than me (that bad boy needs to be retired). I love hypocrisy…
Euros do dress funny. I personally don’t like chicks in skinny jeans, let alone dudes in them (additionally hope this fashion trend dies soon, considering our ‘emerging obese childhood generation’…ehhh).
The insertion of the Weezy rhyme gives you less ‘street cred’…much less.
Peace,
D-Olj
There's this guy we went to high school with. For the life of me I can't remember his name (long term effects of all the pot I smiked I'm sure) Anyhooo, he is very short, wears thick glasses and wears his toolbelt, (stocked with tools, phone, keys), hat, jeans, leather work boots all while walking on the treadmill. I'm usually lucky enough to get one behind him. I enjoy watching items drop out of his belt and him having to stop the treadmill to pick them up and place them back in the toolbelt. Common sense is just too overrated these days lol!!!! Gosh I wish I could remember his name. He reminds me of Bob Ward but it's not him. GGGGRRR.... OMG! I GOT IT. BRENDON! BRENDON IS HIS FIRST NAME! He wasn't in our class, a year or two older but I do remember him.
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