Mean Girls.

You know, hurt feelings totally suck.

In February I wrote about the dreaded middle school years and the awkwardness that goes with them--it's both enlightening and disheartening how frequently the old crappy feelings still happen, and how even at 34 I'm no better at handling it than I was back then.

I still remember giving a lecture to my class of 8th grade girls (they are sophomores in college now)---it centered around the fact that women, for whatever reason, can't just be nice. We're catty, we're gossipy, we're (mostly) jealous, we ignore, and we are, quite simply, mean. This class had 11 girls--all different and amazing, but for the life of them they could not get along. Finally, I threw the 4 boys out in the hall and had a fairly frank discussion about this issue. Here's how it went: (As I remember it anyway.)

Girls are always mean. I'm 28 (or I was then)and there are still times people talk about me behind my back. They say mean things, things intended to hurt my feelings, and because I'm not always above it, I do too. It's awful, it's horrible, but know this: It doesn't change, so get used to it right now. Stop the crying and carrying on and on and on---start changing how you address the situation. Talk to the person who hurt you, tell them explicitly how it felt. Most bullies aren't used to people standing up to them--once you do it will be easier the next time, and, just so we're clear, there will always be a next time.

Clearly it's not verbatim (please, the speech lasted like 20 minutes), but you get the gist of it. Here's the thing--I hadn't thought about that situation until recently. Lately, I have been so guilty of gossiping and being mean. I try not to, but I'm prone to being a blabbermouth, so I'm sure I've had some speed bumps along the way.

Perhaps we need to have our own feelings hurt more often. It's not enjoyable, but the reminder is there---once we experience it (or suffer through it)we are far more likely to monitor our own behaviors.

It's time to begin thinking before speaking, and to wonder if what you've got to say builds someone up, or tears them down. I've been slugging through this process for the last week--often finding my version of humor, while funny to many, may be biting and caustic to someone else.

Beck

Two things:
1. Anyone out there interested in running? You've got plenty of time to train. Let's GO!

2. If you are currently following the blog do you get an e-mail each time I post a new entry?

Sunny Days+ Good Runs=Changed Perspective

I ran eight miles today and it totally rocked. Tuesday I ran five and it didn't.

Today the sun is brilliantly shining and the snow is (finally) melting. Tuesday it was cold and dreary.

Funny how two days changed my outlook and somewhat altered my caustic state of mind.

Here's the deal. I'm not back sliding on my rant from Tuesday, but I am ready to admit that it was, perhaps, harsher than it needed to be. For that, I do apologize. My aim was not to hurt feelings or cause friction between myself and people I care deeply about--I wanted to trigger action and change. Let me be the first to say I could have gone about it in a kinder gentler way.

I am sure to some my ramblings (or as my father put it--my rumblings) seemed self righteous, morally superior, and smug--I can unequivocally say that wasn't my intent. In fact--if I've learned anything through my experience it's that I don't get to make choices OR judgments about how other people spend their money. Sure, we may not agree, but the only money I'm actually responsible for spending is my own (and Ben's too, of course.)

I'll still gladly stand on my soapbox, hold my placard, and write what I believe, but from now on I'll at least think about tempering my rants. (Notice, I said I'd think about it---no promises. I've always freely (and sometimes brashly) spoken my mind, not sure I'm ready to change that just yet.)

So--go therefore and do good. Buy someone you don't know lunch. Hold a door. Use manners that would make your mother proud.

Oh, and run too. Remember to drop me a line if you're willing to put feet to pavement. :)

B

Run Forrest (Becky), Run!

Now that the rant is gone let us refocus.

I've heard from a few more people about their willingness to run sometime this summer. We've got 5K, 10K, and Half Marathoners on the docket over the next 6 months. Within the group are people who have never run a race before, those who are 'out of practice,' and finally those who run all the time. We're a motley crew, but one I'm proud to be a part of. (Damn, I hate ending sentences with prepositions--so annoying.)

Anyone out there struggling with the training? Anyone need a race to run or a buddy to encourage them? Let's talk about it--I will again return to the idea that saying you'll do something in a public forum makes you highly accountable; not only to yourself, but to the others who are silently cheering you onward!

If you aren't already a part of the committed list--post a comment or e-mail (wever@columbus.rr.com) me and get on the it. Make public your decision. If you want me to add the distance you've chosen I'll do that as well.

Meanwhile, get out there. Walk, jog, saunter, skip--do whatever it takes to get that first mile (or the 5th) under your belt. I promise, you will not be disappointed.

B

Oh, and as an added side note. I'm rocking the whole no sweets thing. Here's my secret: Golden Grahams--I feel like they are feeding my inner crack (sweet) habit.

This is a Rant. Beware.

I'm too angry/disappointed to write good things today. And please be wary, this is a rant. It's not going to be nice or pleasant to read. I'm outing people, I'm blaming people, and I'm calling people to task.

Seriously. What is heck is so hard about helping other people? I need to know--are you too busy? tired? don't have enough money? Come on, what's your excuse? Here are a few I've heard lately: I work and I'm exhausted. I want to spend more time with my kids. We can't afford it. I don't know her so I feel uncomfortable. BLAH (I really wanted to drop the f-bomb here, but my mother will read this.)BLAH BLAH BLAH.

There are needs in every community not currently being met. Simple things, like food pantries are empty---why? How many of us went out to eat--even at McDonald's in the last 2 weeks? Now, how many of us took time to donate ANYTHING to the places or people that need help? I'm thinking few, and it is totally and completely pathetic. There is no excuse.

I'm sorry to make an example of my mom's group (I'm really not sorry--I'm actually happy to do it), but there are 74 women on the current e-mail list--do you want to know how many responded to make a meal for a woman with five children who is DYING of cancer--10. That's right, less than 15% of us had enough time/money to make a meal for a woman who is currently undergoing chemo and radiation. She is the one who doesn't have the time or the money or the energy to make a meal--please get over yourselves. I'm embarrassed and even more, I'm ashamed.

I'm also going to revisit the money issue. If you have internet in your home you can afford to donate to the food pantry. If you eat out, you can afford to make someone a meal. If you watched a movie on your DVD player this month you can afford to donate a couple hours of your time to help a neighbor shovel the driveway. Seriously, I've heard the money excuse so often from people who keep their heat at 70 degrees. COME ON.

Is this what we've become as a society--a group of people who think of themselves first, and foremost---often complaining about our lot in life to anyone who will listen. HEY!! Earth to all of us---we live in the United States of America--we have freedoms other countries only dream about--freedoms people died to protect. And this is how we choose to honor those who died protecting our freedoms--ignoring those around us who need help? Choosing to focus on getting more more MORE MORE instead of looking around at what you have that might help another person.

Here's the deal. We could all do more; from offering to watch someone's kids for a couple hours, to making a meal, to taking toothpaste to the Personal Needs Pantry--we are all capable of extending a hand to someone in need. I'm not asking anyone to go out there and change the world, but I am asking you to look carefully at what you have and choose to make a difference in your community. It's totally worth it--aren't we worth it?

I was raised to believe that you always get further in life with a kind word or gesture. I'm not perfect, there's always more I could do, hopefully we can all start small and let it evolve from there.

B.