I have two topics today.
The gym
I love going to the gym. For most people it is a mean to perfect one’s narcissism. To me, the gym is great comedy. It just so happens a beneficial byproduct is I can go home and pretend I’m in shape. At the gym you get to see all sorts of wild, crazy things. “Chaches” Pronounced: "chawch" are my favorite gym creature. I owe my understanding/mockery of chaches to my buddy David. I’ll defer to his definition of Chach; a Chach is that guy who wears graphic tees, half tucks his shirt into his jeans and wears those hideous Kanye West shades. (For those not totally keen on what graphic tees are, they are t-shirts that have weird hieroglyphic/dragon designs on ½ of the shirt that seem to disappear into the armpit.) I have also included a link to the Urban Dictionary definition of chach.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chach
When I'm not transfixed by the Justin Bieber (love his hair) video of “Baby, Baby”, there are three chaches working out together at the gym that provide me with some priceless entertainment. Yes… T H E Justin Bieber. I will not apologize for my interest/fascintion in this Disney created phenom. Whenever his video comes on UrbanActivision, the world around me stops. I can’t turn away - he is so talented. Imagine Major Arnold Toht when he opens the Ark of the Covenant.
Getting back to the comedy… The chaches all have guts and are wearing their eminem inspired a-frame (wife-beater) shirts proudly. At 5:30 in the morning they have the Growing Up Gotti/Jersey Shore hairstyles in full effect. Seriously? You dipped into your AXE hair pomade to workout in the wee hours of the morning? If you would spend more time doing sit-ups instead of looking in the mirror at your perfectly coifed girl-hair, you might not have that freakish looking thing reminiscent of Kuato in Total Recall protruding from your midsection. (Total Recall = Great Movie. AHH-Nold is numero uno! As an aside from this tangent, if you have not seen Pumping Iron, rent it. Today. Fabulous.)
5 tips for my friends out there with the XY chromosomes. Those of the fairer sex, feel free to pass these along.
1. Wear a belt. Pant/short wearing without a belt looks ridiculous. You are not 5! You don't have elastic in your waistband. I cannot begin to explain how many times I see this. It has gotton to the point where I feel like petitioning outside the WHO in Geneva to classify this trend as a pandemic.
2. Your shoes and belt should match. We have all played “Go Fish” before. Make it a game. Find your shoes, and fish for the same color belt. Simple.
3. White athletic socks do not go with Dress Pants. EVER!
4. Short-sleeved dress shirts are for Sipowitz. Do not buy them. These shirts are only for overweight NYPD detectives.
5. Hawaiian Shirts are a no-no. Unless you are at a Jimmy Buffett concert, or greeting passengers de-planing in Kahului, do not wear these shirts. Give them to your kids so they can use their poster paints.
And I thought Euros dressed funny.
Until next time… ...if there is a next time. I would like to exit with some inspirational words from Lil' Wayne.
"And I got blind money money you will never see
And only in the mirror is where you'll find a better me
I make money and my fingers make the letter B
I'm very sick, very sicker than you
And when I play sick, I'm Jordan with tha flu"
"One Way Trip" by Lil' Wayne from the Album "Rebirth"
Peace,
B-Weve
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