Middle School. Ugh.

Good Things About Today:

1. Library time, mmmm, lovely.
2. Nothing to do tonight.
3. A clean basement.

I've got serious issues with food/weight/self image and the like. I'm working hard to rectify that, but right now the wall still stands. I've put together a little snapshot inside my head---so we can all have a good laugh.

1. Today, while vacuuming, I wondered how many calories I burned.
2. Today, while walking around the library I applauded myself for the lack of snacks I'd ingested during the day.
3. Today, right before I stepped on the scale I went to the bathroom. You never know what another ounce or two will do. (I also took out my hair tie because that might add to my weight.)
4. I attempt to run (or jog) up the stairs on every trip--it has to burn more calories, right?
5. I bounced and jumped around for a couple of songs during our weekly dance party session today--I wondered how many calories that burned.

Does anyone see a pattern here?
I do, and it doesn't sound like someone who is taking the time to enjoy life. At times, it's clear, I'm overcome by food/weight/self image. How does this happen? When did I fall party to this way of thinking? I think I can answer that:

Middle school--otherwise known as the third ring of hell. For me it started then--big changes came in 6th grade--who remembers changing for gym in the locker room in front of EVERYONE for the first time? Even now, the memory activates my vomit reflex. Not only was I a bit pudgy, I never excelled at anything--I was a good student, but not a great one. I was a good singer, but not a great one. I was a good athlete, but I rode the pine in basketball relentlessly--merely seeing the 3 minutes they were required to play everyone. To top it all off, I had so many body issues I couldn't see my way out of a paper bag--(which looking back was ridiculous, and we all know how hindsight works--oh, right, it doesn't.) Regardless, I hated middle school, passionately.

In high school things got better, and although the body issues I carried around for the three years of middle school may have been more hidden, they were certainly more significant. How I felt about myself manipulated how I treated everyone else. (For those of you who knew me then, I'm so sorry if I was horrible.)

Now I'm a wife and a mother. My family adores me (and vice versa). I feel safe and secure in this role, and yet I think about the holy trinity (food/weight/self image) habitually. I've got to conquer this, or at least learn to regulate the feeling of inadequacy, right?

Whew. This was a little of an eye opener for me.

Thanks for reading. I'm still looking for people to take the Run Challenge. Maybe we can all run something at Baby Food Festival together. (Those of you that are reading from anywhere close to MI.) I also think we need to put pen to paper or physically type for the world to see that we have committed to running something this summer.

Have a good one.
Becky