Here's The Deal.

Please note: I am not a grammar queen and beseech you to read without judgment.

Welcome to Shape of Food. A Blog by 34 year old mom of two, Becky Wever. (I'm also married to a wonderful man named Ben. He adores me, despite all my many flaws. Trust me, you've never heard me complain about his driving.) I'm loved. I'm lucky. I'm incredibly blessed. All that being said, I have a horrible self confidence problem and battle frequently with my weight. (Or at least with the scale.)

I've learned over the past 34 years (well maybe not quite 34..) that I have issues with food. They aren't serious enough to land me on a couch somewhere, but regardless they exist. (Don't take issue with the couch comment, I think it's totally and completely valid, but my couch issues aren't with food.)

It's not that I can't stop--I can. Ask me about Lent for the past 4 years, no sweets. I CAN do it, but if a concrete reason doesn't call to me before the brownie sundae with homemade hot fudge-- I'll eat it. And to top it off, I'll "sneak" extra brownies from the pan while the fudge warms through in the microwave. I put sneak in quotes, because who's really sneaking, no one but the two boys were watching--regardless, I knew I should avoid the extra bites--just like in theory I should have avoided the entire sundae.

I need to set some guidelines here first.
1. Everything in moderation--just not all in the same day. For instance, I indulged in the sundae, which by itself was fine, but paired with the giant onion rings I had at dinner and the hummus I emptied at lunch--maybe not such a good use of moderation.

2. Eating should be fun. Sometimes my anxiety over food/calories/weight takes over and I hate food, or more clearly I hate myself (my sister will freak out here--I don't hate myself it's more that I'm disappointed in my clear lack of self control.) Again--I hate myself because I can't seem to avoid eating two helpings of mac and cheese, or having "just one more" cookie. Unless I have a good reason of course, but Lent only lasts so long.

3. Set goals. Blah, Blah, Blah. Seriously. I'm college educated, this should be a no brainer--right? I think my problem is I fail to hold myself accountable to specifically to food/weight/calories related goals. I can set goals around the house and for exercise, and meet them--some are fairly big (our house is almost always clean, and I exercise 6 days a week.) I've got to get this food thing mastered. Ugh. I have a weight goal--down 10 pounds by Maui. Yes, I actually typed where I would like to be out in public---which leads to item 4.

4. Be honest. When Luke was born I had very little trouble losing the weight I'd gained during my pregnancy---I've also been able to maintain that weight for about 3 years---and each and every day of the last 3 years I've been thinking about losing more. Just another few pounds--we aren't talking Biggest Loser type numbers here---down 10. I also want to be honest about what I'm eating, and my current inability to control my snack meter.

5. Why Blog? For me, I think it's about being more honest with myself. I'll never look like a TV star, but at some point I want to simply be happy in my own skin. I am sometimes---but (and I'm attempting to be honest here) I am not. Blogging won't lose the weight, control my eating, or exercise for me, but it will give me an avenue to vent--honestly to myself and gain back some of the self confidence I lost....(who knows where I left it, but regardless it is currently absent.)

Here are my goals (since I said I should set some).

1. Run May 1st Commit to Be Fit Half Marathon in Columbus, OH in under 2:12 (two years ago I ran one in 2:12, I'm older and should be faster.)

2. I will maintain a healthy weight, and lost 10 pounds by November 18. (We are leaving for Maui on the 19th.)

3. Find a new peace within myself. (That sounds so annoyingly New Age--YUCK.) How about this instead. I will learn to love and appreciate who I am and what I look like every day. My life is a gift that God gave to me, I should stop berating what He created.

Let's start with those and see how far I get.

Thanks for reading.